Health
How to nurture social connections to feel like you truly belong
Nurturing strong social connections is critical for optimal health and wellbeing. While this can feel daunting as you get older, there’s plenty you can do to foster meaningful relationships no matter your age.
By Sabrina Rogers-Anderson
Loneliness can feel isolating and even overwhelming at times. Even though 1 in 4 Australian adults experience it, we tend to feel alone and misunderstood when we’re in its grip.
And the more time we spend on our own, the more likely we are to feel anxious about interacting with others. We may end up avoiding social situations and unwittingly perpetuating our loneliness.
Here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to be that way. Creating and nurturing social connections can feel challenging at first, but with the right approach it will soon become easier.
“During the pandemic, I didn’t see anyone except my mailman and neighbours on the street for months at a time,” says Melbourne-based Lorraine, who lost her husband 6 months before COVID hit.
“I was trying to be strong and not burden my kids who both live in other states. But at one point, I realised I wasn’t OK. When we could finally go out again, I didn’t want to. It’s like I was scared of people. I ended up talking to my daughter about it and she encouraged me to join the local bridge club because I used to love playing bridge. I was hesitant at first, but I ended up making great new friends and we play together two to three times a week. It’s been a godsend.”
How loneliness affects our health and wellbeing
There’s an astounding amount of research demonstrating the ill effects of loneliness on our physical and mental health. Here are a few key findings:
- In a 2023 report on loneliness and isolation, the US Surgeon General equates the health effects of loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
- The World Health Organization’s Commission on Social Connection found that loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of dementia by up to 50%, the risk of heart disease and stroke by up to 30% and the risk of early death by 25%.
- A 2024 study found that feeling consistently lonely over a long period of time increases stroke risk by 56%.
- Loneliness and isolation are linked with mental health conditions including depression, anxiety, panic attacks and paranoia. They can also lead to substance abuse problems and suicidal thoughts.
How to nurture social connections
Ready to tell that sinking lonely feeling where to go? Here’s how to connect with others and create a sense of belonging.
1. Foster your friendships
A study of 422 women aged 31 to 77 found that those who had at least 3 friends had significantly higher levels of life satisfaction than those who had between 0 and 2.
But the researchers also found that participants who were satisfied with how many friends they had - regardless of the number - also had higher life satisfaction than those who were dissatisfied with their number of mates.
Take inventory of your friendship group and ask yourself if you have enough friends and whether they’re satisfying your emotional needs. According to a 2023 review published in Frontiers in Psychology quality adult friendships share these three important qualities:
- They build you up - true friends want you to succeed. They celebrate your good news and care about your happiness.
- They truly support you - good friends offer practical assistance in times of need; emotionally bolster you with empathy and understanding; and empower you to make your own decisions and pursue goals that feel right for you.
- They put the effort in - deep friendships don’t feel one-sided. Instead, both people dedicate time and energy to regularly communicate, initiate plans, actively listen and express appreciation and gratitude.
If the friendships you rely on don’t feel like they tick these three qualities, it might be time to reassess the relationship and potentially make new connections. There is no greater loneliness than feeling lonely when you’re with people.
2. Be proactive
Have you ever sat at home feeling left out and getting resentful towards the people in your life who aren’t checking in on you?
Instead of letting those feelings of hurt, anger and self-pity take over, make the first move. Text or call a friend to ask if they want to catch up for coffee or even virtually watch a TV show together over Zoom.
By reaching out, you may find that your friend was also sitting at home feeling lonely and dejected. But even if they’re not, they’ll no doubt be thrilled to hear from you. When was the last time you resented a friend reaching out to you? Exactly!
Get in the habit of phoning at least 3 friends or family members a week.
3. Meet face-to-face
The jury is still out on whether social media creates a sense of connection and can help alleviate loneliness.
When the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) reviewed the available evidence, they found that some studies showed positive associations between social media use and wellbeing while others linked frequent social media use with emotional distress.
But there’s no doubt that meeting friends face-to-face boosts wellbeing. In the study measuring the ideal number of friends mentioned above, participants who met with friends a couple of times a week had significantly higher life satisfaction levels than those who visited with friends only a couple of times a year.
4. Join a social group
Participating in a sporting or community organisation has also been shown to reduce social isolation and loneliness.
The key is to find an activity you enjoy and that attracts like-minded people. Bonus if your group involves moving your body: a 2017 study by Black Dog Institute found that regular exercise of any intensity helps prevent depression. It’s estimated that 39% of men and 23% of women aged 55+ participated in a sport-related activity at least once a week, including swimming, cycling, running, golf and tennis.
You could also join a walking group, book club, knitting circle, art class, card group or gardening team. Whatever you’re into, there’s a group waiting for you to join.
5. Get a pet
A large body of research has shown that companion animals help alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness.
One study found that people aged 60 and over who have a pet experience a stronger sense of purpose and meaning, increased social interaction, reduced loneliness and better emotional resilience.
This is especially true for dog owners - after all, a dog gets you out for a walk at least once a day, plus their general cuteness is an invitation for people to chat. If you get in the habit of visiting the same off-leash dog park at around the same time each day, you’ll soon get to know other regulars. Your daily dog walk is also a consistent way to meet up with a fellow dog-loving friend to walk and talk.
Here are some fun ways you can enjoy the benefits of pets without the long term commitment.
6. Volunteer your time
Some research has found that people who volunteer weekly have lower levels of loneliness.
You may not have enough free time to volunteer regularly, but most charitable organisations are happy to take any volunteering hours they can get. From raising funds by working at a sausage sizzle to accompanying seniors to appointments, there’s no shortage of opportunities to help others and make important social connections in the process.
“Ever since my uni days, I’ve consistently volunteered an hour or two a week in my local community,” says Sydney-based Bronwyn, 53. “Through giving my time I’ve helped improve my local area and made lifelong friends."
"The older I get, the more I value the role volunteering plays in connecting me to life in the wider community. I feel like without it I wouldn’t get to know people of all ages or really even know what’s going on in my own neighbourhood."
“The payback for a few hours of my time has been massive.”
Help is available if you need it
It’s natural to be lonely sometimes, but chronic feelings of loneliness can be detrimental to your health and wellbeing.
If your feelings of loneliness and isolation are overwhelming, talk to your GP, ReachOut, Head to Health or call Lifeline on 13 11 14. If it’s an emergency, please call 000 immediately.
You might also like:
9 low-cost ways to meet a new love (or make a new friend)