Health
Beyond yuck: the lowdown on getting a colonoscopy
Ready, set, prep! The colonoscopy is a vital screening procedure to prevent colorectal cancer. Sure, it’s not the most pleasant procedure to think about, but it isn’t as bad as you imagine.
By Margaret McKay
Australia has a well-funded bowel screening program that sends you that delightful little poo test in the mail just after you hit 50.
In reality, everyone over 45 should be screened for bowel cancer, as it’s the 4th most diagnosed form of cancer, and the 2nd most lethal, behind lung cancer.
Read more about health screenings and checks in Citro’s health checks guide.
Men are more likely to get colorectal cancer than women (statistically speaking) but the good news is that the 5-year survival rate is 71%. Early detection increases this figure to about 95%.
Early detection through a colonoscopy is a no-brainer. Whether it’s the results from your at-home poo test, suggested by your doctor based on your family history, or from other symptoms worthy of investigation, the colonoscopy isn’t as bad as it sounds.
Colonoscopy – preparation is everything
1 week before – pre-admission
Your health practitioner should give you a complete rundown on the low-fibre white food diet you need to begin 3 days before your procedure – white bread, white rice, pale coloured jelly, clear fluids, chicken, and fish.
They will also provide clear instructions on the method and timing of taking whatever bowel prep concoction your doctor favours.
Gastroenterologists appreciate a lovely clean colon, and this white diet will help you achieve that during your colonoscopy. It means they can delve around, have a perfect look-see, and get some beaut photos for your family album (jokes).
Your aim is to make them so delighted that they will start your results report with those magic words ‘good prep’, the bowel equivalent of a gold star.
The day before the colonoscopy
You’ll have a simple brekky along the above lines – and that’s pretty much it for anything resembling real food until after the event. You still can have barley sugar, cups of chicken stock, and other clear fluids like soda water.
Let the fun begin!
As with any decent business meeting, it’s now time to get some motions going.
Ignore any words on the bowel prep packet like ‘lemon flavoured’, these are just a private joke from the manufacturers to lull you into a false sense of security that it will taste good. It does not taste good.
Precisely follow your bowel prep instructions
Make sure you’re near a bathroom, have a ready supply of air freshener, several rolls of loo paper and maybe some wet wipes or creams to soothe any anal irritation.
You’ll also want an understanding partner who doesn’t mind spending the night in the other room with earplugs and the 1812 overture playing on the stereo…
Initial rumblings will have you recalling the first words of that famous poem, “There was movement at the station…” And it will be something more than words that’s about to be passed around.
At kick-off minus a few hours, you’ll notice that things have reduced to a mere trickle of… ahem. And you will smile with the simple pleasure of knowing that the worst part of this whole shebang is behind you (so to speak). You are damned well going to get that good prep gold star!
Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to colonoscopy we go!
It’s time to shower, dress in loose fitting clothes – the nurses will not appreciate trying to help your semi-groggy self into your designer jeans – and head to the clinic where your colonoscopy will take place.
As with many medical things, our minds conjure a picture that turns out to be far from accurate.
The reality is that you will be prepped into a hospital gown, and asked to lay on your side as they trundle your hi-tech bed into the operating room. The anaesthetist will insert a cannula into a vein …
… and the next thing you know you will be out in the recovery room, with a smiling nurse gently asking if you can wake up a little more.
At the end of the day
- The prep inconvenience is the worst it gets – the procedure itself is a doddle.
- If they do find a polyp or two rest assured it’s far better to get onto it early and come out a survivor.
- Trust us, that first bite of real food will never have tasted so good.
Ready, set, prep! The colonoscopy is a vital screening procedure to prevent colorectal cancer. Sure, it’s not the most pleasant procedure to think about, but it isn’t as bad as you imagine.