Health
The orgasm gap: what it is and how to close it
A new study has found that men still reach orgasm significantly more often than women do. So, what can we do about it? Sabrina Rogers-Anderson investigates.
By Sabrina Rogers-Anderson
Women may be gaining ground in boardrooms and political offices, but research published in Sexual Medicine has found they still lag behind men in the bedroom.
The study of more than 24,000 people aged 18 to 100 found that men of all sexual orientations report orgasm rates of 70 to 85% compared to 46 to 58% for women.
While lesbian and bisexual women aged 35 to 49 have higher orgasm rates than heterosexual women in the same age group, men still have more orgasms than women overall and the gap doesn’t close with age and experience, as the researchers had hoped.
Some experts believe these results can be attributed to the fact that our society continues to prioritise men’s sexual pleasure while others are quick to point out that climax isn’t the only measure of sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty keen to increase my orgasm hit rate! Both chemo-induced menopause and medication messed with my mojo, and I recently had to face the fact that all the advice I wrote as a sex columnist and author in my younger years was no longer applicable.
So, I did a deep dive into the latest research (in addition to doing some, ahem, field research of my own!) and here are some of the tools that may help women get across the line more often.
1. Take stock of your health, lifestyle and medications
Menopause, stress, anxiety, depression and some medical conditions including thyroid problems can make it more difficult to achieve orgasm.
Some commonly prescribed medications may also have the same effect, including antidepressant, anti-anxiety, antipsychotic and anti-mania medications.
Alcohol, recreational drugs and smoking can also have a negative impact on your ability to climax, as can past trauma, relationship issues and worries or fears about sex.
If any of these apply to you, talk to your GP about your sexual symptoms. They may be able to suggest lifestyle changes or alternative medications to help you get back on track.
No matter what your age, sexual orientation or sexual history, you have the right to discuss your sexual health without shame. If you don’t feel heard by your GP, seek out a specialised women’s health GP who will take your concerns seriously.
2. Get out of your head
Research shows that many women who have difficulty reaching orgasm report distracting or negative thoughts during sex.
From thinking about the load of washing you forgot in the machine to worrying about whether your partner is getting tired, intrusive thoughts can pop into your head at any moment and derail your pleasure.
Practice noticing these thoughts when they happen and bringing your mind back to the present. Repeating a mantra such as “focus on the pleasure” may help you stay in the moment and enjoy it.
3. Communicate
Don’t feel comfortable giving detailed verbal instructions to your partner about what you want in bed? You’re not alone.
The good news is that there are many other ways to communicate what feels good during sex: moaning louder or breathing harder, giving short and encouraging feedback such as “that feels good” or “a little slower”, directing your partner with your hands, and coming up with code words for techniques you like.
It doesn’t matter how you communicate your needs and desires as long as you get there in the end.
4. Embrace lube
Am I the only one who had trouble accepting the desert-like vaginal dryness brought on by menopause? For the longest time, I refused to acknowledge that I might need some help down there. But boy, what a game-changer.
Both vaginal moisturisers and lubes can help you combat dryness and pain during sex, and research shows they may even increase your sexual pleasure. While vaginal moisturisers are designed to slowly release moisture that mimics your natural lubrication for up to 3 days, lubes are used during sex to add extra moisture. A combo of the 2 works best for me!
5. Discover groundbreaking sex research
Have you heard of OMGYes? Indiana University and Kinsey Institute researchers interviewed more than 20,000 women about what brings them pleasure and discovered similarities in many of their techniques. Some you may have heard of, but I can guarantee there are at least a few that will blow your mind.
For example, did you know that 67% of women need their partner to stick to a consistent motion once they start to feel an orgasm approaching? Changing movements means they “lose” their orgasm.
There are also insights on how to use your breathing to enhance your pleasure, how shallow penetration can be enjoyable and so much more! You’ll pay $73 for lifetime access to the ‘essentials’ tips or $108 for the full collection – believe me, it’s worth every penny.
6. Try sex toys
If oversized, veiny (ugh) sex toys have always scared you a little, you’ll be happy to know that the new generation of toys is designed with discretion and female pleasure in mind.
Minimalist vibrators such as those made by love.not.war are ideal to use on your own or with a partner. They provide targeted stimulation without getting in the way of couple play.
Clitoral suction vibrators are also all the rage. Using suction technology, they come in compact and sometimes cute designs (such as a sweet rose) that are more powerful than they look.
Your best bet is to experiment on your own first to figure out what works for you before trying it with your partner.
While it might feel intimidating at first – both for you and your partner – remember that there’s no “right way” to achieve orgasm and using toys doesn’t make either of you a failure. In fact, they may be just what you need to to reach the pinnacle of success!
Permission to pursue pleasure
The first step in achieving more regular orgasms is to address any physical or psychological issues that may be holding you back and give yourself permission to pursue pleasure.
Then, you can try some extra tools and tricks to help you get there more often. After all, why should men have all the fun?
Image: iStock/Ridofranz
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