10 tips to make your new son- or daughter-in-law feel like family

‍A good relationship with your child’s partner is so important for overall family harmony. These tips will help new family members feel welcome and cherished.

‍By Carolyn Tate

As our children grow up and find their life partners, we're presented with a beautiful opportunity to expand our family circle. That’s if things go well!

Welcoming new children-in-law can be a joyous occasion that can bring your family even closer, but it can also come with its challenges. Bringing in someone new can change the family dynamic, and you’re starting from scratch to establish a relationship with someone your child chose, but you may not have.

So, how do we make these new family members feel truly at home and create harmony in our extended family? Here are some helpful tips to help you master the art of welcoming. 

1. Practise inclusive communication 

Make a conscious effort to include your new in-law in family conversations and decisions – both in-person and if you have any online chat groups – and show genuine interest in their opinions and perspectives. They bring a fresh viewpoint to your family dynamic, so try to embrace it! 

Whether it's planning a holiday or discussing current events, their input is valuable and helps them feel like an integral part of the family unit. 

2. Embrace family traditions – and create new ones

Invite your new family member to participate in long-standing family traditions. Whether it's your annual Christmas Eve dinner or your monthly Sunday roasts, including them in these special moments helps them connect with your family's history and culture and to feel accepted. 

But don't stop there - be open to creating new traditions that incorporate their background and preferences too. This blend of old and new can symbolise the beautiful merging of two families and demonstrate your willingness to learn about them and grow together. 

3. Spend quality one-on-one time

While family gatherings are important, don't underestimate the value of one-on-one time. Invite your new son or daughter-in-law for a coffee date, a shopping trip, or a round of golf – the activity doesn’t matter but try to make sure it’s something you’re both comfortable with. 

These personal interactions help build a relationship independent of your child and the larger family dynamics. It's in these moments that inside jokes are born and real connections are forged! 

4. Support their interests

Show genuine interest in their hobbies and passions. If they're a sports enthusiast, watch a game with them or go and watch them if they’re competing. If they love cooking, ask them to teach you a favourite recipe. Ask them about their work to better understand their career. 

By engaging with their interests, you're showing that you value them as an individual, not simply as your child's partner. 

5. Be open and understanding

Remember that your new family member may come from a different background with their own set of traditions and values. Be open and understanding of these differences and try to celebrate them. Instead of seeing them as obstacles, view them as opportunities to broaden your family's horizons. 

Your willingness to learn and adapt will make your new daughter- or son-in-law feel accepted and appreciated. 

6. Remember the power of small gestures

Never underestimate the impact of small, thoughtful gestures. A handwritten note of appreciation, a small gift that shows you've been listening to their likes and dislikes, or remembering their birthday can speak volumes. 

These acts of kindness demonstrate that you're thinking of them and value their presence in the family. 

7. Share activities and experiences

Plan activities that you can enjoy together. This could be anything from cooking a meal together, tackling a DIY project, or planning a family holiday. 

Shared experiences create shared memories, which are the building blocks of strong family bonds. 

8. Celebrate their milestones

Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate their personal achievements and milestones. 

Whether it's a work promotion, a personal goal reached, or even their birthday, your recognition shows that you're invested in their happiness and success beyond just their role as your child's partner. 

9. Ask for their help and input

Don't be afraid to ask for their help or input on family matters. Whether it's seeking their advice on a decision or asking for their assistance with a family project, involving them in this way sends a clear message: their skills and opinions are valued, and they are an important part of the family team. 

10. Write a heartfelt letter on their wedding day

If your child chooses to marry their partner, you might like to start this new phase off on the right foot by penning a heartfelt letter to your new family member on their wedding day. 

Share your joy at welcoming them into the family and your gratitude for the love they've shown your child, and convey your confidence in their future together (even if you have to fake it a little bit!). This personal touch can set the tone for a warm and welcoming relationship.

No matter how you feel about the relationship, or your child’s choice, try to be open and remember that welcoming a new son- or daughter-in-law is not about losing a child, but gaining a new one.

Your bond may not happen instantly but, with an open heart, patience, and these intentional gestures, you can create a warm and inclusive family environment where your new family member feels truly at home.

Feature image: Canva/eclipse_images