Newsflash: attractiveness doesn’t have an age limit

Young is not the only way to be gorgeous. Ageism is rampant and the cult of youth thrives. But writer Carolyn Tate says our eyes need to find the beauty in all ages to celebrate and honour the richness of everyone.

By Carolyn Tate

What do you think of when you think of natural beauty?

Is a sapling tree more beautiful than a centuries-old Moreton Bay fig?

Is a tiny stream more beautiful than an established waterfall that’s been carving its way through rock through the ages?

No, because there is beauty in what blossoms over time, wonder in ancient wisdom, and beauty in nature - including human beings who have the privilege to grow older.

Yet the human brain seems hardwired to discriminate against grey hair, wrinkly skin and frailer bodies, even though the greatest gift of life is to live long enough to experience such signs of ageing.

It can be easy to be unconsciously swept up in the narratives fed to us by mass and social media, especially when it comes to attractiveness and ageing. In a recent study, more than half of the women surveyed said the way they're portrayed in the media makes them feel 'bad about ageing', and a massive 88% in the over-50 category feel like they are represented 'poorly' in films, TV shows and advertisements.

“Young is beautiful” is the overarching message, but what does that mean for us as we age?

Step back: no-one decides beauty has an expiration date

It can be helpful to take a big step back and take a more critical look at these stories that so insidiously seep into our brains and influence our self-perception.

Who gets to decide that beauty has an expiration date? Not only is this concept profoundly flawed, but it also serves a specific agenda: to sustain an industry that capitalises on insecurity.

Lucky for us, something else that comes with age is wisdom.

If you’d like some inspiration, check out the #ILookMyAge movement on Instagram, designed to question the “compliment” we’ve all paid at some point, where we’ve told someone they don’t look their age.

Why is that a good thing? What does that say about us if we do look our age?

Looking at the broad media landscape, you might notice a stark pattern. From commercials showcasing models in their 20s to advice columns that glorify youthful aesthetics, the message is clear: Ageing is a battle that we all must fight it to stay attractive and relevant.

This is a strategy employed by thousands of brands designed to make us feel “less than” so that we’ll buy that serum, moisturiser, fitness product, face mask, skin treatment, makeup…you get the picture. And it’s a lucrative one, with the beauty industry in Australia alone being worth $8.6 billion in 2022.

The reality of what makes someone attractive will always be subjective, but it’s definitely not confined to those narrow parameters.

Commercial juggernauts won’t stop with their ageist marketing messages in our lifetimes, urging us to do what we can to stay young, but we can decide not to buy into them.

Embrace your own attractiveness

We can resist ageism by first noticing the attractiveness in ourselves and each other.

That doesn’t mean we stop caring, of course. Feeling well put-together and groomed is linked with greater wellbeing, and it feels good to be able to put your best foot forward – and that will mean different things to different people: Botox, treatments, fitness regimens, surgery – whatever works for you. But it’s important to embrace the best version of who you are right now.

“As I get older, I find that my idea of beauty has changed,” says Martin, a 64-year-old married man from Sydney. “I see my wife as a whole person, not just a two-dimensional image – and, man, is she beautiful!

“My wife is 60, and all I see is beauty in her. In her strength, in her love for me and our family, and in all she brings to the world. And yes, in her face. I still get a little thrill sometimes when I look at her.”

Anna, a 72-year-old divorcee from Brisbane agrees: “When my husband left after 40 years of marriage, I thought that part of my life was over, but then I met my new partner through friends and he has such a kind face – I think he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen!”

Buying into that “attractiveness is youth” narrative cannot serve you.

Your age is something that you can’t change, and is a waste of energy at best – and it can have seriously detrimental effects on your mental health at worst.

Making peace with who you are now and finding the beauty in who you are inside and out is a much better use of your time (and, most likely, your money).

So let’s redefine what beauty really is and celebrate our stories, our compassion, our community, and all that we’ve achieved. What could be more attractive than that?