Travel
10 lessons from 10 years of travelling alone as a woman
Travelling solo can be daunting, but as Nirvana Bhandary discovered, it’s also the most freeing thing you’ll ever do.
By Nirvana Bhandary for Freely
I have been travelling solo for 10 years now. It was never something I planned or imagined would be so important in shaping the course of my life.
But the euphoria of complete freedom I experience when I release all my inhibitions, possessions and expectations of what a woman is “allowed” to do is a feeling that will never leave my bones. It is something I will crave for the rest of my life.
Here are some of the things I have learned over a decade of globetrotting alone, bright-eyed and open-hearted with my wheely backpack and rip-off Birkenstocks.
1. Friendships come easier when you’re alone
Travelling with someone else is a social safety net, and that can get suffocating too. There is no technical need for you to talk to or spend time with anyone except your travelling companion(s) and that can result in you missing out on other meaningful connections.
I made so many friends throughout my travels. Deep friendships with intriguing humans I would’ve never encountered otherwise, whose perspectives broadened my mind and enriched my travels.
2. It’s a fast-track to self knowledge
As I discovered the world, I uncovered more of my authentic self. I felt a newfound appreciation for the silent joy of solitude.
This was especially true for finally gaining confidence in being an unconventional woman. One who didn’t buy a house, get married, or “settle down” as is expected for women all over the world.
Experiencing the deep contentment of solo travel made me realise what is important in life to me, what my main guiding values and ideology are.
3. A tight travel budget brings unexpected rewards
Being on a budget for the longest continuous trip I have done – 15 months through 15 countries – required me to engage in volunteering stints to make my finances last.
This opened up a whole new world of connection to me. For instance, I took care of the child of a hippie family living on the outskirts of Bulgaria; spent a month at an English school in Morocco; and helped set up a community centre for refugee women in Greece.
These were some of the most memorable anecdotes of my travels as I experienced what a truly authentic community felt like. Not spending money allowed me to focus on finding creative ways of cultivating joy and building connections.
4. Dinner is the loneliest meal
Panic starts setting in around 6 pm. I’m beginning to feel hungry but have no one to eat with. The restaurants start lighting their candles, the couples are gazing into each other’s eyes over antipasto. I contemplate getting some fast food, but I want to eat well.
I finally summon the courage and walk up to the maître d’ who is judging me already. “Table for 1 please,” I whimper. I sit down and feel all eyes on me. I eat quickly and sprint out, crying into my gelato as I walk home. Life can feel sad when you don’t have good company to share meals with.
Note: a cruise could be a solution to this…
5. Dating apps enhance your travels
The dating apps were not particularly kind to me at home. But oh, how different and glorious it was to be on them during my travels.
Exuberant local residents showed me the gleaming hidden nooks and crannies of their cities. They answered my many questions about the society and culture they grew up in. They were cute and genuine, non-pretentious experts… I am forever grateful to the dating apps for enhancing my travels.
6. Dating enhances cultural immersion
Being single on my travels meant I formed relationships with fascinating men from completely different walks of life and felt the depths of love in ways that I will never forget.
I fell in love with a sailor on an island in Croatia; ran towards sunsets in Italy with a lanky Dutch redhead; and camped on nudist beaches with a Kurdish human rights activist in Greece. In other words, sharing intimacy meant I got a fascinating glimpse into the workings of masculinity across different cultures.
7. It feels much safer than expected
When a woman announces that she is planning to travel solo, the first questions people usually ask are, “Aren’t you scared? Is it safe?”
The answer is, it’s as scary and/or safe as it is to be a woman anywhere in the world. I feel my sense of safety and danger is the same whether I am at home or overseas.
This is not to say that I’m not hypervigilant at all times. Of course I have had unpleasant experiences – falling sick, getting robbed, being sexually harassed, missing trains, getting lost – but nothing has been intense enough to deter me from travelling alone again.
Check out these 9 solo holiday destinations.
8. Being alone in public can be challenging
On my second day travelling in Morocco, as I manoeuvred the alleys of the medina overflowing with vegetable vendors and fake Adidas sweatshirts, I became aware of every single pair of eyes I passed boring into me.
I was terrified of the thought of having to experience that attention, discomfort and fear every single day. How was I going to live here for two months?
I ended up living in Morocco for five months filled with some of the best experiences in my life, however the times I was alone in public were rare. I had the privilege to take private transport as much as possible, but I knew that my travels would’ve been so much safer and easier if I had a male companion by my side.
9. Money and a strong passport are privileges
During my travels, I realised that having an Australian passport and earning in dollars gave me more political and economic power than the women (and most men) in the countries I was visiting. They were not able to even dream about travelling solo around the world like I was.
To have the choice to travel the world alone as a woman is a huge privilege that I will always be grateful for.
10. It’s no longer rare for women to travel solo
There are a multitude of people travelling alone who share their experiences through blogs, vlogs and social media. I have met them on the road and been inspired by them digitally. We are a growing community of women passionate and courageous to seize everything that world has to offer us.
Now, more and more women are able to see that chasing wanderlust, becoming a nomad, and exploring the world alone is something that is within our reach as well.
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